


my daughter got me a ‘world’s best dad’ mug, so we know she’s sarcastic

by suzukiblu



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Timeline, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Darcy Lewis can't lose, Darcy Lewis is Tony Stark's Daughter, Empty Nest Syndrome, F/F, F/M, Family Bonding, Fluff, Gen, Post-Avengers (2012), Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-13 04:13:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16010066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suzukiblu/pseuds/suzukiblu
Summary: Tony turns on his heel and barges back into the boardroom to kidnap Pepper, who’s in the middle of explaining something very complicated in very small words. Normally he would let her get on with things butsomebodyis coming to dinner.“Baby, sweetheart, CEO of my life, this is an emergency,” he says.“Excuse us, please,” Pepper says with a winning smile, and lets him usher her out into the hall. “What’s wrong? Did something happen to Darcy?”“Somebody,” Tony says. “I think she’s getting mated? Worse, she mightlikesomebody.”





	my daughter got me a ‘world’s best dad’ mug, so we know she’s sarcastic

**Author's Note:**

  * For [belladonnaprice](https://archiveofourown.org/users/belladonnaprice/gifts).



> Written for belladonnaprice, who wanted ABO pack dynamics, Darcy as Tony’s daughter, and Tony’s empty nest syndrome. I actually haven’t written Tony too many times, especially not as the focal character, so I hope I did him justice.

Tony Stark has not always been responsible with his knot. Most of the country (and several sex tapes) can attest to that. Some people can attest to it with slightly more experience than others, though. 

“Hey, old man,” Darcy says as J.A.R.V.I.S. patches her through. “Am I interrupting anything?” 

“No, nope, nothing,” Tony says, immediately waving away the plethora of holo-screens in front of him, and also the plethora of _board_ members in front of him. 

_“Tony,”_ Pepper sighs, her pheromones immediately spiking in annoyance--not at Darcy, obviously. 

“That sounds like I’m interrupting something,” Darcy says. 

“Not a thing, pup,” Tony lies, abandoning the table altogether and heading for the door. Pepper takes his place, because Pepper knows when there’s no arguing with him. She saves her ammunition for when it actually has a chance in hell of working. “What’s shaking, how’s it going, who do I have to kill?” 

“Hey, if I needed somebody _killed_ you know I’d go straight to Pepper,” Darcy says. “You’d announce your intentions on live TV and they’d be forewarned.” 

“Fair enough,” Tony allows as he steps out into the hall and keeps walking. Chances of being interrupted if he stays next to the boardroom: high. His patience with _being_ interrupted: nonexistant. “In my defense, it’s more sporting that way.” 

“I don’t want sporting, I want results,” Darcy says matter-of-factly. 

“Also fair enough,” Tony says. “So who is Pepper pencilling in for murder?” 

“Naw, nothing like that,” Darcy says with a laugh. “When’s your next free night? There’s somebody I wanna introduce you to.” 

“‘Somebody’?” Tony blinks rapidly, stopping mid-stride in the middle of the hallway. He owns the place; people can walk around him. 

“Yeah, somebody,” Darcy says, sounding amused. “I figured we could do dinner.” 

“No problem, I’m actually free tonight,” Tony says, and immediately calls up his schedule for the rest of the day and wipes it clear. Pepper’s not gonna be thrilled, but when is Pepper _ever_ thrilled with his schedule? “Are you in New York? What are you thinking--seafood, steak, schawarma?” 

“We might wanna stick with an in-tower thing and just get pizza or something,” Darcy says in a tone of voice that strongly implies chaos if they don’t. “And I know Rhodey’s busy, but bring Pepper if she can make it.” 

“No problem,” Tony says, calling up Pepper’s schedule and clearing _that_ too. She’s _definitely_ not gonna be thrilled. “Want me to send Happy to pick you up?” 

“Yes please,” Darcy says. “We’re at my place. Which you can totally stop renting anytime, by the way, I am _really_ not in New York enough to need it.” 

“You need it right now, don’t you?” Tony says reasonably. He’s still not over the fact she’s not in New York that much anymore, personally. “Besides, we’re not renting, I bought it. Happy birthday, by the way.” 

“My birthday was, like, six _months_ ago,” Darcy says. 

“Happy unbirthday, then,” Tony says. “Middle birthday? Whatever the kids are into these days.” 

“You are the _worst_ ,” Darcy informs him. “Dinner at six okay?” 

“Dinner at six okay,” Tony confirms. 

“Cool, see you then,” Darcy says, and then he’s left with a dead phone line, two cleared schedules, and a vague sense of panic. _Somebody?_ Somebody means a significant other. Somebody _definitely_ means a significant other. A significant other important enough to have over! For dinner! 

Shit. 

Tony turns on his heel and barges back into the boardroom to kidnap Pepper, who’s in the middle of explaining something very complicated in very small words. Normally he would let her get on with things but _somebody_ is coming to dinner. 

“Baby, sweetheart, CEO of my life, this is an emergency,” he says. 

“Excuse us, please,” Pepper says with a winning smile, and lets him usher her out into the hall. “What’s wrong? Did something happen to Darcy?” 

“Some _body_ ,” Tony says. “I think she’s getting mated? Worse, she might _like_ somebody.” 

“Those facts don’t necessarily have to preclude each other, Tony,” Pepper says wryly. 

“She’s bringing somebody for dinner tonight,” Tony says. “Also, we’re having dinner tonight. Surprise? You’re invited.” 

“You’ve already erased my schedule, haven’t you,” Pepper says resignedly. 

“Cleared it!” Tony protests. 

“Tony, clearing my schedule implies actually _cancelling_ appointments, not just deleting them and pretending they didn’t exist.” 

“. . . okay, well, same difference.” 

“I’ll go make some calls,” Pepper says. “ _After_ we finish the board meeting.” 

“You’re not nearly concerned enough about this,” Tony says. “There’s a _somebody_. There’s never been a somebody before!” 

“I’m fairly sure there’s been somebodies before,” Pepper says. 

“Not somebodies coming over for _dinner_!” 

Pepper continues not to take the problem seriously and drags him back into the boardroom. He spends the rest of the meeting distracted and jittery, wondering what kind of person Darcy would think was important enough to bring over. He’s been an erratic presence in her life, he’ll be the first to admit--better since Afghanistan, he likes to think--and he’s only ever met friends of hers accidentally and in passing. He’s _definitely_ never met anyone she’s dating. And that’s what this is, right? This is what kids do when they bring over someone they’re dating? 

Fuck, _he_ doesn’t know. 

Tony absorbs literally nothing of the meeting and runs out of the room the first chance he gets, and by “the first chance he gets”, he means the first chance he _makes_. Hopefully J.A.R.V.I.S. took notes. J.A.R.V.I.S. recorded it, at least, so close enough. If any of it was that important, Pepper will remind him later. He’s a very busy alpha, he doesn’t have time for every little board meeting. Also, his pup is probably getting mated to some _stranger_ and he doesn’t even have a name to Google, much less any information to run a background check with. 

Possibly there’s a reason Darcy didn’t actually tell him anything about the person she’s bringing over. But really, like J.A.R.V.I.S. isn’t gonna run a background check the second they show up at the front door either way. He’ll know their kindergarten teacher’s kinks before they even get in the elevator. 

Alternately, he could go hack some of the security cameras in Darcy’s building and see who she brought over _that_ way. But he won’t, because he has restraint, and also he gave J.A.R.V.I.S. exactly enough autonomy that he knows the other would definitely tell Pepper he’d done it, the traitor. 

He could hack the security cameras _outside_ her building, mind. Those are public. On public streets! Anybody could’ve seen any somebodies on the street! 

“J.A.R.V.I.S.,” he says, and J.A.R.V.I.S. sighs. 

“Whatever you’re thinking, sir, I _really_ don’t think Ms. Potts would approve,” he says. 

“I’ve done _much_ worse,” Tony assures him, and so they go through the security footage together. Tony ends up frowning almost immediately. Darcy’d explicitly said her somebody was with her in the apartment, but there’s no sign of anyone else coming in with her and no unusual guests. Not that he’s run a background check on _every_ inhabitant of the building or anything, that would be ridiculous. And helicopter-parenting. And ridiculous. 

Really. 

“What the hell,” Tony says. “Have I been lied to? Is this what it’s like when kids lie to you? Because I don’t like it, and it’s also very confusing. J.A.R.V.I.S., check yesterday’s feeds too. Maybe she gave them--” he grimaces--“a _key_.” 

“If you insist, sir,” J.A.R.V.I.S. says resignedly. 

Between the two of them, they find neither hide nor hair of Darcy’s mysterious somebody, and Tony is starting to get twitchy enough to consider hacking a few airlines and see if she flew in with anybody. The desire to go over to her place and barge in to scent it up with “if you mess with my kid I will ruin your credit unto your next three reincarnations” pheromones is no small desire. 

He doesn’t, because Darcy would absolutely make _merciless_ fun of him for it for the rest of his natural life, but he seriously considers it all the same. 

“Sir, if you want to be ready for dinner . . .” J.A.R.V.I.S. says, and Tony sighs and scrubs a hand back through his hair, scowling at the useless security footage. 

“Yeah, yeah,” he says. “Double-check that footage for me, though, there’s _got_ to be something on there.” 

“Of course, sir,” J.A.R.V.I.S. says. Tony heads up to his office to suit up, because Pepper wouldn’t let him bring his suit briefcase to the board meeting, like briefcases aren’t an _entirely_ normal thing to bring to board meetings, never mind what’s actually in them. It’s still _en vogue_. 

His pup is getting _mated_. That’s what it means when your kid brings a significant other over, right? They’re going to have to plan a wedding. And buy a condo or something. They might have pups of their _own_. Tony is not prepared to be a grandfather, he’s still trying to get the hang of being a _father_ -father. And he doesn’t exactly have experience with little kids to fall back on, either, his experiences with Darcy as a little kid mostly involved signing the child support checks and forgetting her birthday. Happy and Rhodey spent more time with her--hell, _Pepper_ spent more time with her, and that was before they were even together. 

He was not the best sire he could’ve been, put it that way. 

He’s just going to buy everything on their registry, is what he’s going to do. And maybe that condo. He can get them two, one for general use and one for vacations. Maybe a spare so they have options. 

He definitely needs to get going if he wants to make it to the tower and deal with his helmet hair and take one last swipe at finding out who Darcy’s bringing over before dinner, though, so he gets going. He gets his newest suit on and steps out the window and spends the flight avoiding obsessing over Darcy’s mysterious somebody, because he is entirely capable of not obsessing over his pup’s dating life, even when that dating life might be turning into something more serious and might result in him spending holidays with--god forbid--his pup’s romantic mistake. What is Darcy’s taste in significant others even _like_ , she’s never actually talked about that with him. 

He is deeply regretting not being a better sire when she was a kid. _Deeply_. 

“Any luck, J?” he asks. 

“None, sir,” J.A.R.V.I.S. says. “As far as I can ascertain, no one has joined Ms. Lewis in her apartment.” 

“We need to talk to her about putting surveillance in there again,” Tony says. 

“We have, sir. Several times,” J.A.R.V.I.S. reminds him. “That ended with the bubblegum incident, if you’ll recall?” 

“The _bubblegum_ incident,” Tony mutters under his breath. He’s still not sure he found all the gum. Much less all the _bubbles_. And if Rhodey asks, it never happened. Pepper and Happy, unfortunately, were both there to witness it. 

“Yes, sir,” J.A.R.V.I.S. says, sounding as pained as he’s programmed to be able to. “Perhaps it would be wisest to simply wait and see who she’ll be bringing?” 

“This could be a hostage situation,” Tony says. 

“I sincerely doubt it is, sir,” J.A.R.V.I.S. says. “Ms. Lewis did not sound at all stressed or concerned on the phone, and she did not hit her panic button.” 

“She sounds like that when the world is ending!” Tony exclaims. “And she didn’t hit her panic button in New Mexico, either!” 

“She did have her taser,” J.A.R.V.I.S says diplomatically. 

“My pup is being held _hostage_ ,” Tony agonizes as he zips around a skyscraper, cutting the turn a little closer than he maybe should. It’s fine, he clears it. “Or getting mated. I’m not sure which would be worse. I could _solve_ the hostage thing.” 

He resists the very powerful urge to swing by Darcy’s apartment and heads for the tower instead, mentally running hostage situation plans in his head. It’s soothing, compared to running “how to make nice with some strange kid who’s making time with his pup” plans, which is new and unbroken ground and therefore terrifying. At least hostage situations he has experience with. 

He lands on the penthouse deck with a frustrated huff, letting the suit peel away and scrubbing a hand through his hair impatiently. It’ll do. There isn’t really anything he has to do to get the place ready for dinner--he doesn’t know what kind of pizza Darcy’s somebody eats, so he can’t order the food yet. He’d just order their usual anyway, but with his luck they’re a vegetarian or gluten-free or something, and he’d like to at least _try_ not to fuck this one up. Like, not immediately, anyway. If possible. 

God, he really has _no_ idea what to do here. Maybe he should’ve waited to fly over. Maybe being fashionably late to his own place would’ve been smarter. It’s not like J.A.R.V.I.S. couldn’t have let Darcy and her somebody in, and then he would’ve had time to run a background check. Hell, he could’ve waited to come over with Pepper, that would’ve given him some time. Also, she’s better at talking him down than J.A.R.V.I.S. is and he’s a _little_ too anxious about this. 

Okay. Deep breaths. Zen thoughts. Puppies and, and flowers and crap like that. Peace on earth, goodwill towards man, whatever Cap’s preaching this week--that kind of thing. 

Okay, Cap is probably punching more people than he’s preaching to, knowing him, but whatever. 

Tony takes a deep breath, checks his bracelets, and then puts his hands behind his head and closes his eyes and just-- _breathes_ , yeah, breathing is good. So Darcy’s bringing somebody for dinner. So what? She knows what he’s like, he’s not gonna ruin their relationship over one lousy pizza night. He’s way too anxious about one lousy pizza night. 

Never mind that them having an actual relationship is still pretty new and Darcy’s never actually brought someone over to meet him before, even when he _asked_. Like, seriously, he really wants to put a bug in Jane Foster’s ear, get a little bit of info about the Bifrost and--okay, okay, staying on topic. So Darcy’s bringing somebody for dinner. That’s fine, Pepper’s going to be here. She can handle the small talk, and he’ll just follow her lead while J.A.R.V.I.S. runs a few tiny little background checks, and they’ll be all set. No problem. Easy. 

“Ms. Lewis has arrived at the building,” J.A.R.V.I.S. says. Tony curses. 

“Already?!” he demands. 

“It is 5:45, Mr. Stark,” J.A.R.V.I.S. says. “Ms. Potts should be here by 5:56.” 

“Oh, well, that’s fine then,” Tony says. Of course she’s early. Darcy’s never early, at least not when she’s meeting him, but of course she’s early _today_. “I can handle nine minutes with Darcy’s future mate. You’re running that background check, right, J?” 

“Er, about that, Mr. Stark,” J.A.R.V.I.S. says. “That seems to be unlikely to be helpful.” 

“Wait, what?” Tony frowns. “What do you mean, ‘unlikely to be helpful’? How is a background check not going to be helpful?” 

“Well, I am afraid I lack access to any possible intergalactic files,” J.A.R.V.I.S. says. 

“What?” Tony says, blinking. “What.” 

Oh god, she’s bringing a _god_. 

“I swear, if Thor walks in that door--” he starts, and then the penthouse elevator dings and Darcy steps out of it with a tall brunette omega in very definitely Asgardian armor. They’re holding hands. 

Oh, hell, Tony thinks, trying not to do a double-take. He was forewarned, dammit, he shouldn’t have to _struggle_ with that. 

“Hey,” Darcy says, lifting a hand in greeting. 

“Hey,” Tony says in a very normal voice, kicking his armor’s briefcase under the nearest table before clearing his throat and heading over to them. He resists the urge to scent Darcy; he has yet to actually do that and he still doesn’t really know how to broach the subject. “Hey, kiddo, look at you, you look great. Drive okay?” 

“Drive okay,” Darcy confirms, then tilts her head towards the brunette. “This is Sif. Sif, this is my dad. Iron Man, Tony Stark, whatever.” 

“My prince speaks highly of you, Man of Iron!” Sif says, her eyes lighting up. Tony blinks up at her stupidly. Wait, is she _impressed_? Somehow it didn’t occur to him that Darcy might bring over someone who’d be _impressed_ with him, if only because the idea of Darcy dating anyone who found him impressive seemed so very, very unlikely. 

“Thor, I’m gonna assume? Well, he’s not so bad himself,” he says. Sif laughs. Tony blinks again. Well--alright, then. “Pepper should be here in ten, she’s on her way.” 

“Oh, cool,” Darcy says. Did she relax a little when he said that? Maybe. He wouldn’t blame her. _He_ relaxed a little remembering it, so . . . “Did you order yet?” 

“I don’t know if Asgardians eat gluten?” Tony says. 

“Um, yeah, pretty sure they do,” Darcy says wryly. “Actually they’ll eat just about anything, in my experience.” 

“Trying new cuisines is always a delight,” Sif says. “And there are so _many_ on your planet!” 

“That’s us, full of cuisine,” Tony says. “So, the usual order, then?” 

“Sounds good,” Darcy agrees. “Maybe add a couple extra pizzas, though. Like, larges.” 

“J.A.R.V.I.S.?” Tony asks. 

“I will place the order immediately, Mr. Stark,” J.A.R.V.I.S. says. Sif whips her head around, looking startled. 

“It’s cool, babe, he’s a computer program. Uh, seiðr program?” Darcy says, squinting a bit as she works out the human-to-Asgardian translation. Tony knows the feeling. “Basically if you see Dad, J.A.R.V.I.S. is around.” 

“Your father is a seiðman?” Sif asks curiously. 

“Sure?” Darcy says. “He made his armor. And J.A.R.V.I.S.” 

“I make a lot of things,” Tony says, though really the armor and J.A.R.V.I.S. are the big ones. Probably the concept of clean energy would not make much sense to an Asgardian anyway. 

“Fascinating,” Sif says, looking intrigued. “I have chosen a path unusual for my gender as well.” 

“That’s . . . not really how it works around here,” Tony says, blinking at her again. “Well, no, I mean there’s definitely paths unusual for people’s gender, I just mean being--uh, Darce? Kiddo? What _is_ a seiðman?” 

“There’s a lot more men than women in seiðr here, actually,” Darcy says. “Dad’s really good at it, but he’s not exactly bucking any trends. Jane’s the one doing the unusual path.” 

“I _am_ really good at it,” Tony confirms. “On that note, you should really bring Dr. Foster over for dinner sometime. You know, while we’re talking about our, uh, seiðr and all.” 

“Maybe,” Darcy says, which isn’t an answer, obviously, but he’s still a little too caught up on the fact his pup brought an _Asgardian_ home to push it. Because that is a thing his pup did, definitely, she brought home an Asgardian omega who’s taller than both of them. 

That’s . . . a lifestyle choice, definitely. 

“So,” Tony starts warily, but before he can get any further with that, the elevator dings again and out steps Pepper, thank _God_. The non-Asgardian version, obviously. “Pepper!” 

“Hello,” Pepper says with a pleasant smile, leaning over to kiss Darcy on the cheek and scenting her affectionately, like it’s some easy thing to do. “Darcy, it’s so good to see you. Who’s this?” 

“Hey, Pepper,” Darcy says, nuzzling her in return and then stepping back to tip her head towards Sif. “This is Sif. She’s one of Thor’s friends. Sif, this is Pepper. She’s my dad’s datemate.” 

“A pleasure,” Sif says, smiling at Pepper as she gives her a little bow in greeting. “Darcy has told me much about you.” 

“Wait, was there not much about me?” Tony asks. “I don’t know how to take that, why was there not much about me?” 

“Relax, old man, you’re fine,” Darcy says, giving him a dry look. “How long on the pizza, J?” 

“An estimated fifteen minutes, Ms. Lewis,” J.A.R.V.I.S. answers. 

“Thanks,” Darcy says, then looks at Tony again like she’s expecting him to know what to do here, oh God. _Not those gods._

“Let’s sit down,” Pepper suggests like the hero she is, stepping out of her impressively high heels and bending down to pick them up. 

“Sitting down is good,” Darcy says. 

“Great, awesome, let’s do that,” Tony says, clapping his hands together. So they do, because that’s the civil thing to do, or something. Tony’s not exactly an expert on pack dinners. You could maybe count the schawarma thing with the Avengers, but they were all too exhausted to give a fuck about civility at the time. Tony’s still not sure Cap didn’t sleep through the whole thing. He’s not sure _he_ didn’t sleep through the whole thing. 

So whatever, they all sit down. Pepper makes with the small talk, and Sif responds in kind, cheerfully and easily. Darcy makes a few wry comments. Tony tries to figure out how to say anything without sounding sarcastic or rude. It does not go smoothly. Then again, Sif doesn’t seem to have any idea what Earth etiquette is like, so he’s probably fine. Pepper gives him a few exasperated looks, but when does she not? 

They make it through the fifteen minutes before the pizza shows up, at least, so that’s nothing to complain about. Asgardian appetites are goddamn alarming--Sif puts away more pizza than the other three of them together--but it’s not the first time Tony’s been witness to one so it’s not really a shocker. Darcy seems more reserved than usual, which is weird for Darcy and not very reassuring on the “not a hostage situation” front, but maybe he’s projecting or something. 

They eat the pizza, anyway, and Pepper keeps the conversation rolling and semi-normal, accounting for the fact it’s a conversation involving a tech genius superhero, an Asgardian warrior, a terrifyingly competent CEO, and the world’s most unusual intern. 

Eventually Tony gets up and pours himself a drink, because he’s really not sure how this is going and it’s all a little stressful. Darcy’s a bit subdued, but doesn’t seem upset with him or defensive or anything particularly negative. Pepper and Sif are still doing most of the talking, though, so maybe he’s wrong about that. He doesn’t even know where this is going, honestly; is there some kind of script here he’s missing? 

“So I assume you two met through Thor?” Pepper says, and Sif smiles. 

“Oh, yes,” she says. “Although we have only recently become more closely acquainted. Asgardians have not been on Midgard in some time, and my prince requested that I spend some time here on his behalf. Darcy has been generous enough to be my guide while I do.” 

“ _Just_ your guide?” Tony can’t help but ask, and Sif laughs. 

“My dear Darcy is not _just_ anything,” she says fondly, and gives her an admiring look that immediately confirms all Tony’s worst suspicions. Darcy smiles back briefly and then takes another bite of pizza. “She has been a wonderful guide, though. She has shown me many of Midgard’s charms.” 

“Yeah, we’re real charming around here,” Tony drawls. “Downright quaint, honestly.” 

“Indeed!” Sif says with an easy smile. “It is a lovely realm.” And wow, that was sincere and everything, wasn’t it, Tony thinks, taking a _long_ drink. He doesn’t know how to respond to that. 

“Well, we do our best. You know, keep the curtains dusted and the pillows fluffed,” he says, because not knowing how to respond has never kept his mouth shut before. 

“I hope Darcy will think equally well of Asgard, when she is able to visit,” Sif says, which is honestly _fascinating_ but also a little terrifying, because she wants to take his pup _where_ , exactly? Oh, just someplace completely unreachable by human means? Who knows when or for how long? 

_Jesus_. 

Tony takes another drink. Pepper and Sif keep talking. Darcy says a few things, but still not as much as usual. Tony stays behind the bar and very carefully makes sure to only take a certain _amount_ of drinks, and not more than he should. After a little while, Darcy gets up and kisses Sif’s forehead, then heads over to join him. She waits a few minutes before she says anything, which is not comforting for Tony. 

“What do you think?” she asks eventually, voice pitched quiet as Pepper and Sif keep talking between themselves. “Bad idea?” 

“Oh, terrible one, kiddo,” Tony answers before he can think better of it, knocking back his drink again. But what’s he gonna do, lie to her? “She’s an Asgardian, for one. Aren’t they functionally immortal? And super-strong?” 

“If you tell me she’s the wrong kind of omega for an alpha like me, I’m going to kick you,” Darcy says with a scowl, folding her arms. 

“Kid, I think she’s the wrong _species_ for you,” Tony says, holding his hands up. “But if that’s what you’re into, hey, you do you. You want a big scary omega who could bench-press your _car_ , that’s your business.” 

“I don’t have a car,” Darcy says, then shoots him a pointed look. “And that’s _not_ a request.” 

“I wasn’t even thinking it might be,” Tony lies. Although he definitely knows what he’s getting her for her actual birthday, now. She’s spending less and less time in New York, she _definitely_ needs a car. Can’t just Bifrost everywhere. 

Actually, maybe she can. Can she Bifrost everywhere? Is that why he couldn’t find Sif on the street? Jesus, what a thought. He _really_ wants to talk to Foster. 

“Liar,” Darcy says. “I like her, okay?” 

“Is this how you tell me you’re getting mated?” Tony asks, squinting at her suspiciously, and Darcy turns bright red and gives him a disbelieving look. 

“No!” she sputters. “I just _like_ her, you idiot!” 

“So you’re _not_ getting mated,” Tony says. 

“Oh my god, you’re so embarrassing,” Darcy says, putting her face in her hands. “You need to stop. Don’t be a _sire_ about this.” 

“Hey, I’m not!” Tony protests. “You brought somebody to dinner! That’s a totally normal assumption that anyone would make!” 

“I have a _normal girlfriend_ ,” Darcy says. “Like normal people have girlfriends.” 

“Your normal girlfriend has been normally worshipped as a normal god,” Tony reminds her. 

“Of course _you’re_ the one taking this well,” Darcy huffs, looking away. “Mom flipped her lid.” 

“Your mom thinks _I’m_ bad,” Tony says. “How’d you think she was gonna take an Asgardian?” 

“You _are_ bad,” Darcy says dryly. “She totally has no room to talk about who I date.” 

“Okay, let’s be real, that wasn’t really _dating_ ,” Tony points out. “That was a one-night stand with one of the hottest betas I’d ever seen and a broken condom, was what that was.” 

Unfortunately Darcy’s mother has since gotten over her allegedly misspent youth, and is not one of his biggest fans. Since his parenting help pre-Afghanistan mostly came in check form and very distracted visits, he admittedly doesn’t blame her. She picked responsible parenthood. He did not. That Darcy’s even slightly forgiven him for it is probably one of the biggest miracles of his life. 

“Ew,” Darcy says, making a face at him. 

“Truth hurts, kiddo,” Tony says, taking another drink. “Anyway, point is, of course your mom’s gonna worry if you start dating an alien warrior, what’d you think was gonna happen? Pepper flips _her_ lid every time somebody tries to murder me.” 

“Sif isn’t gonna _hurt_ me,” Darcy says in exasperation. 

“Maybe not on purpose,” Tony says. “That’s not really a promise somebody can make in a relationship, though, you realize. I mean, you’ve dated before, right? You know what it’s like.” 

“I’ve _dated_ ,” Darcy says, her face turning red again. 

“. . . like, _relationship_ dated,” Tony says. Darcy turns even redder. “Oh, my sweet summer child.” 

“Oh my god, shut up,” Darcy says, putting her face in her hands again. “Look, if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out. Doesn’t mean I wanna avoid the whole situation just because it’s complicated. I _like_ her. That part’s not complicated.” 

“Nobody said it was,” Tony says. “You gotta admit the other stuff kind of is, though.” 

“I literally just did,” Darcy says, scowling at him again. She’s still blushing. “Mom’s still over-reacting.” 

“I don’t exactly have the frame of reference to agree or disagree, there,” Tony says. He’s pretty sure his opinion of Asgardians is not the average person’s opinion of Asgardians. He’s _met_ Asgardians, for one thing. Admittedly only, like, three, but still. “Give her some time. She freaked out when we got pregnant too, and that worked out fine! You’re fine!” 

“Thanks, that’s really reassuring,” Darcy says dubiously. Tony sighs. 

“I’m doing my best here, kid,” he says. “Pretty sure you didn’t come to me expecting a solution.” 

“No, I didn’t,” Darcy says with a sigh of her own, dragging her hair over her shoulder. “I dunno. I just--I’m not embarrassed or anything, okay? I’m not worried about this. So I wanted you to meet her. I didn’t want you finding out later and thinking I was hiding or something.” 

“You have literally never even introduced me to your friends,” Tony says. “Honestly I just would’ve thought it hadn’t occurred to you to bother telling me.” Darcy laughs, then shakes her head. 

“You’re dumb,” she says. 

“Excuse me, I’m a genius,” Tony reminds her. 

“A dumb one,” Darcy snorts. “Look, I like her. I wanted you to know. That’s it.” 

“Okay,” Tony says. 

“Okay,” Darcy says. 

Tony takes a sip of his drink. Darcy watches Pepper and Sif talk. Sif’s gesturing animatedly, and Pepper’s laughing. Tony watches Darcy watch them and has a weird urge to scent her--not a possessive urge, just . . . an urge, he guesses. It’s weird. 

Well, he’s not really used to the “being a sire” thing, even with a college student for a pup. He’s not gonna magically start understanding the associated instincts now. 

“Thanks, Dad,” Darcy says, still looking at the others. Tony blinks, not really understanding. 

“Sure, pup,” he says after a moment, setting his drink aside. “Any time.”

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr!](http://suzukiblu.tumblr.com/)


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